The last month has ushered in transitions and transformations for so many of us, in all shapes and forms, from one extreme to another, happy to sad and back again.
Change – Are you feeling it?
Since the end of last year I’ve seen friends and clients hopping hurdles, feeling hopeless, helpless, overwhelmed and observing the tug of war of life. In recent weeks things have accelerated and I feel many of you are hanging on, threadbare and wondering what is going on – even if things are good, they somehow feel overwhelming.
Once of the many reasons I do what I do is because it makes me feel less alone, yep that’s true – you don’t become a therapist because you have reached cloud 9 or got happiness all figured out.
I want to be of service because over the past 12 years I’ve collected a toolbox of practices that I use daily to feel in balance and embodied. I feel that to help others I have to let you know when I feel shitty too, right?
While feeling certain that the lessons I share with my clients work, some of them I don’t have to put into practice myself so often. This year so far I’ve had to walk my talk even bigger and stronger than ever, and have felt, at times, delighted that that ‘talk’ really works. A couple of months ago I eased my way through my first panic attack in about eight years and recently I’ve seen the arrival of some of my oldest and maybe darkest fears and I’ve had to face them head on.
So I felt guided that I had to write this post right now, for you, and for me. It is a compilation of what to do when things change, ideas that might help and hopefully at the very least some assurance that we are all in this together and you are not alone.
I actually just responded to a friends ‘how are you’ text just now with ‘I’m navigating myself through fear’ and perhaps that is the true title for this post.
At the end of this post I have also listed a selection of reads that I have recently found of interest as well as some of my favourite therapists if you feel that you need some extra help right now.
❤ Astro insights
For those of you who are Astrology followers you will know all about the Cardinal Grand Cross and the Eclipses that are happening right now, and I have to say that this awareness certainly gives me a little comfort. I don’t study Astrology so that I can ‘blame’ the planets, I use it like any other self help tool, as a form of guidance and knowledge to support me through the choices I make. I appreciate that you might not all be interested in the Astro energy but If you would like to know more about what is happening up in the skies right now then I’ve put some links at the bottom of the post!
❤ How are you feeling?
If you are reading this post then perhaps you are experiencing challenges, going through some tough changes or even just feeling not quite ok. You know I love to feel feelings right? so a reminder to allow every feeling to wash over you and to be present. The first step is to not judge ourselves (or anyone else) on what we are feeling. Try and avoid thoughts like ‘Oh but it’s much worse for other people’ or ‘I’m stupid for feeling like this’. If you’re feeling it then it’s valid and it’s ok.
❤ Introducing yourself to and getting to know what change looks like
- What is CHANGE?
I believe life is a series of cycles in an expansive space, a little like an uncoiled spring rather than a line from A-B. Everytime we are experiencing something quite significant in our lives we are at the bottom of a circle preparing to spin around into a new cycle. The bottom of the hamster wheel in some ways – most of us can relate to that. Looking back to the past you can probably pinpoint parts of your journey so far that could be marker with a ‘time of change’ sticker right? Sometimes they are a matter of days or up to a number of years.
One of the most useful tools to deal with change is to acknowledge that you are in a period of change. Sounds simple right? but it’s amazing how often we are experiencing all sorts of shifts in our environment and have not stopped to be present with them. Instead we label ourselves as crazy, overly sensitive, weak and incapable.
So stop right now and pose yourself the question – Am I in a period of change?
What constitutes a period of change? I’m going to ask and answer this question because I know there are still some of you out there who are going to be saying ‘Oh but other people have things worse than me’ or ‘I’m just being pathetic’ etc.
Change and stress can be felt
- During and after Illness
- Moving or selling homes
- When anxious or depressed
- When changing jobs, careers or even just having the idea of a shift
- During heartbreak and relationship shifts (good and bad)
- During pregnancy and after pregnancy
- In times of grief
- In response to change in the environment around you – could be family or friends or even from your city.
- While you are going through a period of therapy or spiritual coaching
So perhaps pose yourself that question again – Are you in a period of change? use “I am in a period of change” as a mantra when you feel out of control or if you are punishing yourself for your feelings. This helps me a lot.
❤ What does this feel like?
When we feel balanced and are not in a time of uproot in any area of our lives we have solid roots, we are grounded and we are embodied. This evolves sometimes moment by moment but there is certainly a sense of a strong ground beneath our feet.
Times of change do not feel stable and you are not always supposed to feel ‘ok’ during this time.
Whether it’s unexpected or something you have put in place, change is a transitional period and it does not have roots.
So it’s shaky, wobbly, uncertain, scary, overwhelming so of course isn’t going to feel relaxing or supportive.
Even if something is new and AMAZING it’s still classified under change, so don’t assume that just cause things are working well for you that you shouldn’t feel something. I often have clients come to me for Tarot readings just needing confirmation that it’s ok to embrace the good things they have. We all feel uncertain, often, and it comes in all shapes and sizes.
Change is a form of stress and walks in carrying all of your biggest fears.
❤ Some ways to cope with change, unexpected or otherwise
There are different types of change which I cover below. There is the change that you bring in yourself, for instance moving house, relocating, breaking up with a partner.(1) Then there is the change that is unexpected but if you look you can usually find the lesson or see a future where the lesson might appear to you. (2) Then there is the shock and trauma style of change, that swoops in our of the blue and feels debilitating and terrifying and it doesn’t appear to have even an inch of sense.(3)
For all of the above there are two practices that we can apply and in fact aim to be actually living out each day.
1. Self care and building an inner support system
This is the easiest thing to do, it’s free and it’s from your own will, yet it’s also the simple thing that many people don’t allow themselves, especially in times of stress. We often reach away from this loving practice and into fear instead.
To begin, you will never be able to control what is happening in your external environment (ps surrender) but you can partake in your internal.
The wellness practice that you create for yourself is the thread that will hold you together during times of uncertainty
This should be part of your basic needs structure, like food and clothing, it’s a support system that you can create and It can be the patch of familiarity in your day, despite what is happening around you. This is a routine and it will help. I call this my spiritual practice and this really is just a term for the SPACE that I give myself. The time every morning whether it be 30 seconds or an hour to sit and be still. It’s a lifesaver.
I have a post coming up on how to create a morning practice – for me it involves one commitment and it’s sitting down on a cushion on my room and alloying myself time to breathe. Sometimes I meditate, or do my Tarot practice, I read, I write and I pray. In the last couple of month I have reached to this space for help and space more times than I could count, I’ve slammed down on that cushion and given way to the present moment. It helps beyond anything else I know.
2. Ask for help
Remember how you are not alone? Ask for help, speak, read, shout, search. This is a no question rule, and it’s so hard for some of us to be vulnerable or feel vulnerable but it’s a must. You are not automatically able to know what to do in every situation. I’m not great at letting people know when I don’t feel good – I feel lucky that my faith in my own inner guidance system is so strong, BUT a lot of the time we need to reach for someone to lean on. Often that moment when you ask for help is guided, because that person need to be of service to you.
Are you someone that always helps others and doesn’t ask for help yourself?
Sometimes being of service means letting someone else be of service to you
❤ What else can we reinforce when feeling on shaky ground? – All things that are loving
- Kindness, compassion and forgiveness
When you feel unbalanced this is the time to be the most kind to yourself and everyone else. It’s easy to punish ourselves when we perceive ourselves to be ‘failing’ in the moment or unable to cope, and what this is is a call out for love and kindness. The number one priority is to continue to be loving and so you say to yourself, that It’s ok not to feel ok. I couldn’t stress that more strongly. If I punished myself every time I felt fearful or off balance I’d be in a sore state. I’ve inched towards compassion for myself more and more so that now I refuse to participate in being cruel to myself and always try and reach for a more loving response to myself. I believe it’s possible, one moment at a time. I believe that being embodied means nurturing our mind-body and spirit and getting to know every aspect of our inside and out so that we can be compassionate to ourselves (and others) more easily.
- Reinforce your Gratitude practice
Perhaps the last thing you feel like doing when things feel terrible and you might be leaning more in the direction of the Universe can kiss my ass right now BUT being thankful when you don’t feel so is a simple and easy way to lean in the direction AWAY from fear. Read about how to cultivate a gratitude practice here.
- Practice grounding and get outside into nature
Change tends to pull us energetically out of the moment. I use grounding tools every day. I also escape to nature as often as possible because it’s where I feel the most peaceful, connected and comforted. My safe place is being surrounded by water, lakes, mountains and animals.
❤ How to see the purpose within your challenge (1)(2)
Did that break up happen and throw you off course but you know deep inside that this wasn’t the person for you? Reclaim that.
Did you get fired from a job that you didn’t like? – You have been thrown an opportunity to move in the direction of your own passions.
Did you become ill through stress? – Question the direction you are walking in if you’ve been knocked down with a never-ending flu. Have you been over doing it and not taking care of yourself? We are not here to struggle and wear ourselves down to the ground. There is always a simpler solution and self care and valuing your health has to be at the top of the list – always. If you allow yourself to feel good then the world around you will feel more stable.
What if rejection is actually REDIRECTION?
How can you make this challenge work for you? Are you making like a Phoenix and rebirthing? Open your arms to change and trust that you are on a journey. Allow yourself to evolve and participate.
“When you have to say nothing, do nothing, be nothing, then what are you? You know what you are? You are a lighthouse, so nobody else can wreck near you. That is the one thing in life you have to do. Forklift. Spread the light. Be the lighthouse. So every journey, every destiny, every distance can be safe”
- Yogi Bhajan
- There is no such thing as failure
- You can be fearless
- Surrender to help you with fears of the unknown
❤ What about when you can’t see the redirection or the meaning
Most common during times of tragedy and grief, but often just in day to day feelings of uncertainty too. It’s ok, I don’t believe that these are times when we can make sense of anything and it’s within these times that we feel very at the victim of the situation. Find comfort in the moment, constantly reel yourself back in to the given moment and just work from there. The joy will be found in the smallest places. I’m not an expert here but I know that your only job at this time is to allow your feelings, ask for help and do everything you can to look after yourself. Reach for love from any direction that you can. Let your feelings flow through you and wash over. You are not alone.
❤ My antidote to fear is faith
Recently when faced with situations that were difficult, moments that scared me and memories that swung out from the darkness I paused and thought ‘What do I do?’ ‘How do I handle this’. Because I know what fear looks like, so well and in times of uncertainty and times of change and moments of crumbling destruction fear will come close and try and pull you in, and maybe pull you under.
It helps to recognise what your fears look like. It’s easier when they are old ones, ones that you have replayed a million times, they are like old friends sometimes. What about when you face something that’s new? If it doesn’t feel good, if the dialogue in your mind doesn’t sound loving – you can know that it is fear.
When faced with our fears we must just try to lean, slowly and gently in the direction of Love.
My reaction was to get down on that cushion or to reach for a thought pattern that works for me, to use my surrender practice, to pull out every tool from my insides that has ever worked. All of these things come under what I believe to be my faith.
What does faith mean to you?
In the past I probably would have never used the word faith, only associating it with God and types of religion that I wasn’t sure I quite related to or had worked out my relationship with. We are often blocked from experiencing faith because of preconceived ideas of what it means. It’s easy to dismiss the idea of faith by saying that we don’t believe there is anything ‘out there’ or that it can’t exist when things feel so bad.
So how about taking back faith as a form of personal empowerment?
I believe that we can all find faith – by creating our own perception of it and by embodying it in our own unique way.
Perhaps your faith lies within a spiritual practice and perhaps it doesn’t – but don’t feel that you need to be locked into one idea or one possibility. Allow your life to be expansive and nurture it.
- Have faith in your journey
When I teach people about the ‘Surrender’ practice I ask people to discuss with me what they see their life as. Most of the time I find people relating to my idea that it’s a journey, an adventure and an experience. However we often say that we believe that but then we go against it when faced with difficult times.
In the moment we can’t usually see what something means or how we are going to get through it. Our faith comes within trusting that our journey is meaningful. Retrospect is a gift because we can often see how and why we got somewhere or see how we moved through something that was uncertain. We see it because it’s happened. To trust in the moment and in the future is more difficult, so how about just trusting in one tiny thing?
I believe that if you can find one thing in your present day that you are thankful for or that you love then it can be a sense of safety within your journey. After all the present moment wouldn’t exist without the past.
- Don’t run away from fear
We all know that if we try and avoid our fears they seem to grown bigger or chase us even more. I believe that we must invite fear into our moment and say hello because then we can see it clearly and try and choose to inch away from it. Know that fear is normal, especially if you are experiencing extreme pain or sadness, fear will be so familiar. Just work on leaning away from it, towards a faith that you create yourself.
- Find faith within your inner voice
I believe that the energy I feel outside of me, the one I refer to as ‘The Universe’ is also within me and that’s the intuition. It’s time that we all learned how to distinguish between our own voice of fear and our loving intuition. This isn’t a special ability that only some people can tune into. We are all able to access this guidance, your own inner pilot light, every day and not just during exceptional moments.
Start paying attention to your inner dialogue. You have your voice of fear and voice of love within you. The voice of fear (the ego mind) is a bit of a stage hogger, all bells and whistles, all what ifs and buts and should and coulds, it’s the chatter you maybe recognize the most and it’s the one that will insult you. It is the dialogue that is the least embodied and grounded but it will shout the loudest and at times be the voice that you fear.
Your intuitive voice is quiet and gentle and is simple, the message may be as easy as – it’s ok or YES or NO or keep moving forward – simple sentences with big power. This is the love that lives inside you and that you can reach to for comfort, it’s a safe place that you don’t have to search externally for.
Our job is not to ignore the voice of fear but recognize it and choose the more loving option instead.
So, when your dialogue tells you that you aren’t capable or aren’t good enough or aren’t going to ever feel good again, just know that this is the voice of fear. Like change, fear is not solid and does not have roots.
The movements that you make from love for yourself and your adventure will enable you to grow strong, bear fruit and see moments of light and possibilities even in the hardest or weirdest of times.
❤ Moving forwards
Life ebs and flows, it is always moving, even if we are standing still. We know that time changes and we evolve and grow. We transform, we crack open, we fall apart, we rebuild, we move, we spin, we love, we cry. We are here to do all of those things, and it’s ok.
❤ To read
- Miracles Now – A must have by my friend Gabby Bernstein. 108 Tools to alleviate stress and make shifts in the moment. I will be writing more about this book soon but go get it! It’s a perfect go to during recent times of uncertainty – perfect for that dropping down and asking for help moment. I have found the energy and guidance within the pages to be spot on and of the highest and purest intention.
- Goddamit be nice to yourself
- Self Care for Empaths
- It will be sunny one day
- Synchronicity – I read this when I was 20 and it’s a simple guide to opening up to see miracles and meaning in each day. I love the term ‘The promise of coincidence’
- In death only the body dies
- Reveal – To connect to your divine feminine, gain comfort and strength from your traumas and to get spiritually naked. I love Meggan and love this book. If you are in NYC you can also attend her events.
❤ Astrology Insights
- Destiny decoder
- Grounding the Grand Cardinal Cross (and everything from my sweet pals The Astro twins!)
- Sign up to Mystic Medusa, you won’t regret it
- My Tarotscopes on The Numinous and Mademoiselle Robot - and your yearlies here.
- April’s Angst
- Are you aged 27-31? then you are in your Saturn return and this is all about change. Read up and KNOW that this is a time of rebirth.
❤ Therapists that I recommend
- Jody Shield – Jody is an Energy Healer using a method called Light Grids. She also practiced EFT. Both can be taken in person or over Skype
- Heather Waxman – Heather is a Coach specialising in Eating Disorders and Meditation.
- EMDR - If you are experiencing trauma of any kind, this is the method that saved me and maybe it will help you too?
- Gill Travitzky – Gill has been a mentor for me since I was young. She is a gifted therapist and psychic medium.
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