(Me holding a print of my own constellation system that I recently created at an event recently – It’s a drawing of The Louniverse in fact.)
You know those phrases that just blast out from your inner soul system?
Hint, they are always the simplest of things. You see the higher and more loving part of our inner dialogue is full of the peaceful one liners. The more you get acquainted to listening to this softer voice (more on that for you soon) the more the one liners just keep on coming .
Anyway my one liner of the week has been:
Being kind to myself is a non-negotiable thing.
This took me on to wanting to write a post about all the things that for me are non-negotiable about the way I live and care for myself. I often get asked about my daily routine or how I manage my mind and body and so here are my baseline non negotiable rules to help me feel more balanced and in a simple word – good. I got to this place because of my journey so far. I’d say my ptsd was the most insightful because the trauma itself was about being disconnected, it means that the worst thing to me is not being in my body and mind (even when I don’t like them!). This is the base of why I’m so impassioned to help you find a safe place back in your experience and how I know that to feel ok I need to practice these kind of things for myself every day.
I want to hear something from your list of NN’s too, so link me to your blogs or come and tell me on Facebook or Instagram.
So here we go.. I’ve capped it to 10, but I can always think of more (you know, waving hello to dogs etc..) and we must never forget to constantly evolve and keep checking in on what we need to feel good, supported and awake.
❤ Being kind to myself and valuing my feelings
That old trick. We are hard on themselves. There is this way of living that exists soley built upon the idea of failure and success, getting better, being braver, richer, cooler. I said the other day to a friend that the only reason I feel good and can manage myself is because I allow myself to feel shitty whenever I like and I don’t judge myself for it. I have realised that the block we have between a negative and a positive is often just that moment where we try and devalue how we feel.
I love people, I think humans are amazing, I think my friends are incredible, my clients make me light up, strangers catch my eye every day. Humans are extraordinarily wonderful. I am a human.
I don’t believe failure exists and as I’ve written about before, It’s a word that I can’t allow to have a place in my inner dictionary. I have no pressure on myself to be anything, I have to choose to release the pressure because I know what the consequences can be. I always like to think of everything in a form that is stretchy and expansive. The self punishments, judgements and comparisons are closed thinking system with no way out. There is always an extra degree to our thought pattern that we haven’t seen. I want to see it.
Everything is a practice and I’ve held this one for a long time and It’s easier, but like everything it’s a daily choice and every day I just endeavour to try.
❤ Honouring my journey
Every day my only true intention is to show up for my experience. Knowing that I am on my own journey is my grounding root. It’s the place where I put my faith and belief. I see how things shift from one to the next, I can see what has happened in retrospect and I know that every challenge is to lead me to higher ground. I love this planet so much, it is the mother of us all and our experience on it is a product of it. If I love the wild unknown then I have to love my winding path among it. So I show up, even when I don’t feel good I show up and feel it. This year especially I’ve had to test my thoughts so much here and yet always I can go back to this deep knowing within me that I’m on a journey, I’m going somewhere, I just have to get out of my own way and know that It’s not up to me to have a manual, only to be in the driving seat.
(my latest business card with my favourite lost word on the front)
❤ Being positively selfish.
I share this term with all my clients. Be selfish about feeling good and honouring your mind, body and spirit. If it’s at the top of your pyramid of things to love and nurture then everything else falls more easily into place. It’s a reframe of the word selfish because often we deem that putting ourselves first isn’t kind because we have to look after others or please other people. The best realisation is that if you take care of yourself first you instantly are a better friend, lover, family member, worker and so forth, because you are supported, by yourself.
❤ Feeling good is better than fitting in
This is a gigantic truth hit for me, and it still resonates in my present day and I repeat it often to myself. In my teens I spent many years trying on other peoples lives for size, it was kind of an experiment as I grew up so intuitive that my only desire was to ‘be’ normal. I wanted to feel what ‘normal’ people felt like… whatever I perceived that ridiculous word of ‘normal’ to be! Perception is a slippery slope, especially as a teen, those typical teen years were for me this funny phase of having quite a nice time but always being slightly out of myself. I was repeatedly sidelining from my spirit to tiptoeing through and observing other peoples. I didn’t share my true self with anyone and it’s no wonder I always felt so misunderstood. But, we don’t know that when we are so young, that thing about feeling embodied and how great it is.
Recently I’ve been attaining this thought to how I live my life. Telling people I didn’t eat sugar in 2002 required a full recap of my health history, everyone wanted an explanation, I started to embed my health choices as feeling like I had to excuse myself, saying things like “I can’t eat that” or repeating everything a million times in order to benefit others. Now it’s only down to a simple non negotiable I do whatever it is because I want to feel good. It is a simple and long needed release and peace of mind and it’s also a non arguable point for someone else to understand.
I’m going to expand this one into a bigger post one day down the line, because it’s the essence of all that I like to teach, everything is about our own unique connection to our body and mind. We will never feel good if we are trying to fit in. And we will never feel like we fit in if we don’t feel good. We can only feel good when we are slap bang in the centre of our body and experience. Self knowledge and self awareness is everything to me, it’s how I found my way back home.
❤ Looking after my physical health
You all know that a big part of my journey was recovering holistically from a chronic pain condition many years ago in my early 20′s. Later on I developed an Autoimmune Thyroid Condition called Hashimoto’s. Due to the lifestyle I keep I am lucky enough to feel pretty well, but it has to be a non negotiable thing, because if I don’t care for myself I feel quite awful, fast.
I’m lucky because my connection to my body is almost extreme, sometimes I feel like I can hear each individual organ working. It comes from those many years ago when everything was so heightened that I couldn’t sleep at night because my heartbeat was so loud. Now Its a beautiful feeling of knowing I’m working with a system. If you are feeling disconnected to your body it’s amazing how much a quick study of anatomy and physiology can help you. I am in constant awe that my body is showing up every day and working so hard for me, I can no longer choose not to respect that – even when I feel physically unwell, it’s just a call out to care for myself more. So while sometimes the fear based part of myself wants to really push it, the soul part of me knows that I have a max of about two weeks before I wake up and I’m crying in my bed. So, balance, of course. I work with myself, don’t take risks with my health and am really learning to love the way my body changes and evolves.
❤ Speaking with someone I love every day
I am an introvert and my own company has always been my absolute favourite. I could say a NN is to spend time alone, but for me that is a given! I love hanging out on my own more than I could possibly describe, but I do know for sure that there is a tiny teeny fine line between alone and lonely. I realise for me that an exercise is to spend a little less time alone, again thinking in that stretchy and expansive way.
I have so many people that I love and so many people I admire that I’ve learned that it’s important to get out of my comfort alone zone and remember to say hello, be vulnerable, ask for help, laugh, share, wave.
Hi, hello, I love you, yes you, and you over there, I can’t wait to meet you.
(By Gemma Correll)
❤ Keeping to a no-unecessary stress code
If I get stressed I feel physically ill really quickly. So it’s a no brainer for me. One of the best things I learned from my early twenties was the ability to release all unnecessary anger and drama. I had such a great perspective and I call on you to remember your biggest challenges and hardest times to help you, because the tiny things, they really are not worth it. I see people stamping their feet and puffing and panting because they are having to wait in line at the post office and I know If I’m going to get all riled up like that, then it has to be for something a little more entertaining at least.
My last grandparent died last year aged 96. She was the least stressed person I knew. The story goes that when she was young and raising four sons with a blind husband she was feeling quite stressed. One day my grandad Lou (who I never had the pleasure to meet) said to her to just not worry about things. By some miracle she took that simple sentence from him and and lived it out until aged 96.
Again it comes back to feeling good, and all these points come into this no stress code, the way we treat ourselves, the way we treat other people, the way we react to the things around us. I sometimes see ourselves twisting back and forth through dramatic situations and I have a simple rule for that: Drama doesn’t exist unless you participate in it. Clarity exists on a different plane to drama, lets go there.
My energy is then reserved for the stress that does occur, and change and challenge does of course always happen. In those moments I feel like I have a spare can of reserve fuel to use for caring for myself
❤ Feeding my spirit
The way we relate to words is really interesting to me. I find that we can be blocked from understanding an aspect of ourselves or life itself by having formed a negative relationship to a word itself. The word spiritual, like many, gets thrown about a bit or squished into limited categories. What does being spiritual mean to you?
I reframed it for myself into something that felt stretchy and expansive.
From the Internal Louniversal English Dictionary:
Spiritual [spir-i-choo-uh l] Honouring your spirit.
I continuously ask myself “What lights me up?” and then I have to go there, do that thing, feel that feel, explore that idea. I know that I need to make art, laugh, walk, have fun. Whatever lights me up. It’s the part of me that is currently working on a jewellery collection, the part of me that made these just because I woke up one day and did them, the part of me that has just planned a solo trip to Barcelona, the part of me that will go outside just to talk to pigeons every single day.
I find as adults this having fun thing doesn’t always get to the top of the list. In my mind I will forever be the girl that started casting spells aged three, the girl that resonates with neverland and wonderland, the girl that is climbing up a tree, making magic, imagining and reimagining: It has to come out into daily life too.
It’s also my spirit that goes into my work. I’ve never been able to do anything that didn’t feel right and it’s why I’ve worked for myself for seven years. Sometimes I’ve been doing many jobs at once to make it work, but it’s always worked because I love to LOVE what I do. I want my day to day to wake me up and light me up and It’s taken me on many amazing adventures. What lights you up?
(another of my favourite lost words.)
❤ Getting outside and exploring this world
I grew up in the countryside, collecting bugs, mixing potions, eating leaves and talking to animals. This is part of me and I can’t escape it. I have lived in London for 12 years and I like it only when I leave it regularly, I think it’s a wonderful city but it doesn’t excite me the way other places do. The feeling I have when I’m by my favourite lakes, mountains and soul cities are the buzz inside of me. I am lucky that I get to live right by my favourite park because a daily meander into the trees helps me breathe and get back to myself. Right now I’m working on plans to move out of this city and I couldn’t be more excited about it. Watch this space.
❤ Being kind and compassionate
Every human is a reflection of each other. If in doubt treat anything and everything with compassion. Forgiveness comes from compassion, connections come from kindness, love will break down walls. When you are filled with fear treat yourself with compassion. Offer compassion to the people you find the most difficult because it will shift your perception in an instant. Practice it constantly even when you fight against it. Being kind does not mean you will be ‘walked all over’. Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean you can’t do it from a place of love.
And finally, in the words of great women who I heard speak the others day:
“Love does not lower your IQ.”
- Marianne Williamson
❤ ❤ ❤
The fuel for all the above is that I was born a stubborn creature and I’m just try to channel that, in its most positive form, into everything…
Now, your turn, I can’t wait to hear what your top non negotiable things are!